I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
