Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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