Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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