my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
