and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize