Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
