I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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