Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
