tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize