Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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