I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
