Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
