someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
