I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
