I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
