I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Man, jail baloney is awful.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
