Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I need a beard to bite.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
