I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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