Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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