At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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