Whod you bang
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
