Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
did you just send me my own nude
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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