I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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