ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
