i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
