Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
