All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How external is "for external use only"?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
