Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
