I want to stick my p in your. b.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
