anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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