Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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