Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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