you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
