my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
