I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
