I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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