he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
