Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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