woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
is it fun? or sober?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
