Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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