Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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