I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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