Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
