I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
