this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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