you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
