3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
