God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Are we still banned from the library?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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