sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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