Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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