we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
