Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Hippo gnu deer
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize