Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
