She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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