bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Randomize
