Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize