all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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