I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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