he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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