If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
