evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize