Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
