Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
