Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
