I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
