its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
