Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
