I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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