I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
we should paint friendship bongs
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
