textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
