I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
