I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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