I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
