I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
